Emotion Demotion

I give my loyalty to everyone I meet. That, in and of itself, might be called bravery. But I do it out of unchosen love. I don’t choose it. It chooses me.  Every moment of every day of my life has been self-sacrificial.  But love, love I have never received.  
It gives me great pain now. I used to be fine with it, even proud of it. I was only to happy to as a small child. I mean small, as in I can remember being like this as young as three. 

It started to bother me some in my teens and a little more in my twenties.  But I am now 47 and have never been loved not even appreciated.

I cry every day.  

I hate when I hear people say pain makes you stronger. It doesn’t. It only makes you aware of your strength. But it eventually tears you down, makes you weak.  I started life so very strong.  Now I am so weak.

Who could love the mess I have become?  Hopefully noone cause I never want to see another person as long as I live and I hope that won’t have to be much longer.

Loyalty and devotion lead to bravery.  Bravery leads to the spirit of self-sacrifice.  The spirit of self sacrifice creates trust in the power of love.

 ~Buddha

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